Time to learn to surrender...

I wonder if choosing between something that makes you miserable but makes sense over something that makes you happy but doesn’t make sense is reasonable. I personally don’t think I am brave enough to choose something that makes me happy because I am afraid that it might not measure up to what I ought to do or what I had planned on doing for as long as I can remember. I feel like I am getting closer to being comfortable with giving up what I dream and letting the author of my life and faith begin his plan for me. I think when God says
“In his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps” Proversb16:9
He means just that. I am glad he means that because I desperately need him in the planning of my pitiful life. It’s like such a reality to me right now. I NEVER would have confessed or even thought I was someone who had their whole life planned, what I will do, who I will love, what I will love where I will be etc… Sheesh, I am nothing. I am a hypocrite.
Lord, why can’t my prayer be to be a vessel and follow where you lead? Why do I have so much pride in my heart and what good do I think it will do for me? Why is it so hard to release the grip of the world and set myself free running into your arms? Each day is a disappointment to me, another day not good enough because I cannot rest in you. Guilty am I who feeds on my own self pride. I know that your plans will overcome my pride. Ultimately Lord I know your will, will be done. And I can rest in that hope.
I am off to see a Christmas show of lights in Portland! God Bless and goodnight-