No matter how deeply we want to live the right way, act the right way and do and say all the right things we wont. Lately I have felt exhausted trying so hard fighting my inner man. I was looking back around the time of my birthday last year where I was in life and what my heart looked like. I am almost envious of the way it was. I had a true desire to surrender my life to Christ and learn. I knew I had no good in me and I was sick of trying to be happy on my own. I was lead astray and realized my complete need for Christ. I wasn't exactly living a perfect "Christian" life doing all the right things but my heart was pretty right.
Vin is asleep, and I am waiting for my meat loaf to finish baking and then I'll wake him up and give him some very needed kisses. I'm listening to some songs that were my favorite last year. Sitting alone with candles burning and the clean laundry waiting for me to fold on the ground in the living room. Arrested development is paused. Right now life seems real and exciting. The potential of every new day is fresh on my mind. What I can do with Christ living in me. What a life of joy I have waiting at my feet. My battle is if I'll rely on Christ to give me the energy I need to wake up each day and take His yolk instead of my own. I"m throwing all my ideas out the window and drinking up all the thoughts of Christ and His abundance waiting for me. I encourage everyone else to do the same!
Trying to hard,
kesh~
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