Wow... Just had to write this out...

Ok, so I am smoking. This is my second post in a day! Vin I bet you are proud. Half of this is for you to see too.. I thought it was neat.
Like I mentioned in the post before I am reading through an old journal. I wrote this and I wanted to share it because I think someone may find it comforting.

8/22/04

"We are not for one moment in our lives at the mercy of chance"
If that is the case then my worries of the things that don't/didn't work out is my fault, isn't true. My mishaps do not actually ruin my chances for certain opportunities. Why do I feel that the things that don't work out that I want to work out don't work because of me? My heart seems to be broken so consistently. When I think of certain things it just makes it feel worse.
Lord, I try to tell you that I surrender but I know I can't fool you. You know the desires of my heart and the dreams and hopes I long for. Please control them, please lead me into contentment in you alone. Let my future be a content mystery to me.
I have a prayer that I may know You more, that You would take over my heart and create in me a genuine compassion for this life I live. I desire Your guidance and understanding, closure to the things I regret and can't let go of.
Please lift up my husband wherever and whoever he may be. Shower him with your wisdom and knowledge, send him closer. Prepare him for me, and me for him.



Ok so wow... I can't believe that! I was writing in regards to a broken lonely heart that wanted someone to love on this earth, I was desiring SO deeply for my husband. God has answered my prayer. It's SO awesome to look back at where I was, and see full force how God has worked in me and how He has lead me to Vin, my soon to be Husband. The man of my dreams and even more... I never imagined a love like this!
Ok... That's about all.
kesh~