Well... I have tons on my mind tonight. About wedding stuff, marriage, missing Vin so much, trying to read a few different books. I am realizing how in love I am with God. And how reliant I am upon him for everything. My feelings especially. My emotions, my anxieties, my love for Vin, my future! Everything! So easily my mind begins to side track and before I know it I am not thinking and meditating on the Lord, and I begin to think things that are lies and that will only lead my heart to hurt rather than glory. I'm so thankful for my fiance. I'm so thankful that he desires to know the Lord deeply and desires a pure Godly heart and mind. I pray I can be a continual encouragement to him throughout our lives together, and him to me as well. I pray God will protect us from here on out and guard our hearts from sin and evil. I can't wait to be Vins wife and serve and love him all my days. I know the Lord has much to teach me about what it means to be a wife, but I believe He has me where he wants me and I am so blessed to be here! It's so weird to think back where I was a few months ago, and now I am engaged to the love of my life. My heart is bursting with thanks to God for his abundant life and blessings. I am so unworthy of his Love.
I am going to head to bed. I hope I can sleep tonight.
In Christ,
Kesh~
2 comments:
Hi Kesha, it's Kitri. I just wanted to say that I feel for you with missing Vin so much. When Jon and I were still together, I had two weeks between every time that I saw him! It was very difficult, but I think that sometimes time apart is good in a lot of ways. It gives you a chance to not only grow as individuals (because even when you're married, you're still going to have identities, friends, pursuits, joys and troubles apart from each other) but also to take some time and pray about the relationship and really meditate on what it is and what you're in for.
I think that is a really fun process, especially when you're in the stage that you and Vin are. It's exciting to sit back, slow down a bit, think about yourself and think about the gifts (and the weaknesses!) God gave you that you bring to the relationship and in what ways you can contribute to make it stronger. If you are comfortable with yourself alone (like unfortunately you have to be right now!) then that will make your ruminations on the relationship just that much more exciting.
It's so easy to think that when you're in a relationship, you guys just kind of morph together into one being that from that point on thinks and acts as one person. (The soft squishy romantic side of me would like to think that - it's kind of a romantic idea when you think about it!) However, that's just not the case, unfortunately. God wants to see you move together through life in ways that are pleasing to Him, but you are also your own person. You have so much growing to do as an individual (don't we all!), learning about life and love and time and sadness and joy and what all that means when it's put together under the Maker that created all this goodness for you.
You are a beautiful, bright girl with so much ahead of you - and right now a big part of that is your future marriage to Vin. My advice to you: miss Vin (it sounds like he's a guy that deserves to be close to your heart), but don't feel like your world is on hold for him. Your world is so big, so exciting, so fresh and brilliant and vivid and God has so many things in store for you, both happy and sad, that you will learn and grow from. Enjoy it! Catch up with old friends, take pictures on your digital camera (I know you like photography), enjoy some time alone with God. Your growth and strength as a woman on your own will make you a much stronger person - and help in your future marriage more than you can know.
Love ya. Do you have a church body you go to regularly? If not, do you want to go to church with me not this Sunday, but next? Let me know, I'd love to have company.
- Kitri
:oP
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