Sometimes tears are the answer to a very long awaited answer. I shed a few tears today after getting upset over a very very stupid family ordeal and the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I thought, “Geeze I am really upset about this” but I realized, this little ordeal that lead me to tears was just the initiator of some over due feelings that thought, “Hey this is a good time to show up and come out!” rear their ugly head I guess you could say. Bad timing to have breakdown now. Right before I move, in the midst all these things happening in my life. The Lord has a little part in my tears. I am overwhelmed by his grace. His mercy, his love, forgivness, willingness, support. I could go on and on. I am such a selfish human being. I am feeling very broken right now and truly though I feel like I belong in a gutter I am thankful with all my heart that God in all his majesty is doing something for his glory. Can I just say this, “Lord whatever your will, please let that be where you have me” I have lost the fight, once again, over thinking I can plan a future for myself.
Readers: I would like you to close your eyes and imagine me bending on my knees in the middle of an infinite croud of people. That is where I pray God takes me. I am hungry for spiritual humility. I’m literally tired and weak. Also Prayers would be great, that I might not feel so empty I guess you could say. That may not be the right word but it feels right.
A prayer.
I’m tired father
Of driving so long, so far with no break or rest.
I’m scared Lord because I am lost, and I have too much pride to admit it.
I am hungry Lord for you, but I search for “fast food” that is bad for me and leaves me feeling unclean and unhealthy.
I pray you would give me an idea of where you want me to be right now.
Ease my worries and questions, you know how bad I am at keeping those in. I lay them at your feet.
Your daughter,
Kesha Burke.
I am sittin’ at a coffee shop right now, and my low battery light came on, so I’ll have to wrap this up for now.
Adios <><
I am back. I just had some guys come up and ask me if I was a Christian and if I thought big weddings were good or bad… that is a little random. They explained that A Christian and non Christian wedding do not differ in price significantly and they were curious why. I simply told them that I don’t think it matters Christian or not, usually the girl wants a big old wedding and I don’t think it has much to do with being Christian or not but I don’t know maybe if I thought about that more I’d have more to say about it. I don’t want a huge wedding personally and I don’t think I will have much to spend on one, I just want it to be a beautiful sacred ceremony with God present.
I was reading a book I had read a while ago called Passion and Purity. I don’t know how I feel about the whole idea of the book, I mean I love that Elizabeth Elliot and Jim Elliot fell in love and pretty much said sorry to the idea of being together in order to follow what God was telling them, but that was their love story not everyone else’s. She tells of how she longed for him but couldn’t be with him for years. And finally when they did marry he died a couple years later. That is a devastating story not an encouraging story! Basically they meet in college, and after hanging out a few times Jim tells “Bett” Elizabeth that he loves her but he won’t commit to her or ask her to marry him because he is being called to the mission field and feels like God is telling him he will remain single. What in the? I mean I am so encouraged by the fact that they completely gave up what they wanted in order to follow God and all but the whole book brings confusion and hurt to my heart. Maybe it’s because I am selfish. Maybe because I am not as strong and I don’t think I could handle that. I don’t know how I feel about love. It’s a complicated thing I must say. I love this verse because I completely relate to it. Proverbs 30:18-19, “There are 3 things that are too amazing for me, 4 that I do not understand, the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden.” That’s a whole other post for sure! I am tired and I think I am going to head out and try and go to bed early. God Bless and take care
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