Sorry I seem like such a weirdo lately...

I am changing, not that it’s a bad thing. I’m realizing something about life that I didn’t notice. I’m a little sad about it, a little afraid. I am glad and curious about it. I thought I was this person but I feel like I don’t know exactly what I am.
I was the girl that loved living in the country, walking down the country road during sunset, noticing every little thing that moved, and every beautiful thing God put in my path. Sitting by Crazy Joe’s pond watching the fish pop up, the frogs hop away, the stars shining in the reflection. I was truly innocent and totally unaware of what life was really like. I kinda lived in this bubble of peace, and thought everyone understood. I thought I fell in love before, and it turned out to be a heart break. Ever since then I am not the same person I was. I think that who I am now isn’t truly who I am. I miss my old self before my heart was shattered and my interest in the things I loved dissolved. How could I have let it happen? It did… and I’ll have to wait until I can find myself again. For now I am going to do the things I feel are right, and stay as close to God as I can in this moment. I’m going to open up to change instead of be scared of it. I’m going to be this person that seems to be coming out and learn from the choices I will make in the future. I pray that God will protect my heart and ultimately, keep me under his control. I’m giving things I rejected a chance and I’m not going to be so closed minded. I don’t know why I wrote this entry, it was just kinda sitting on my mind. We change don’t we? It’s sad, I kinda can’t handle it but its life, and I am a part of it. We wake up each day with an opportunity to be happy and we have all these choices. It seems like finding satisfaction is a million miles away, but it’s so simple to find. It’s the things you love, and we all know what we love so therefore we could find satisfaction pretty easy but we choose to follow all the loves of the world and we get confused as to what we are satisfied and happy with compared to what the world’s image finds satisfying and even what the world finds good. Enough is never enough. We always want more. When we find something perfect for us individually we wonder if it’s perfect for our friends, and our family and whoever else we are worried about. I think I sound like a crazy person right now so I am done… I shouldn’t speak for everyone, and I don’t. Its just my idea of what might be maybe? I don’t know. So why don’t you check out this web page a friend sent me, it pretty much was so hilarious. http://www3.ns.sympatico.ca/lyle_24/myhero.html